A Personal Journey
In 2010 I was bedridden with a full-time carer, had zero ability to walk without help, I was unable to talk or take care of myself on any level. The days seemed endless and passed by without me even being aware. What happened? How did I go from being a vibrant mum and wife to no longer having any control over my body, my mind, my life? Would I ever have any control over my life again?
Truthfully even today (2018) I have minimal memories of the two and a half years of my life when I was bedridden and incapable of caring for myself. The point that I do remember vividly is lying in bed and understanding if I was going to be well and return to a fulfilled life I needed to find a way, I needed to take action, the responsibility was mine.
If I knew then what I know now I may not have left the bed. Hindsight is wonderful, it allows me to fully comprehend just how unwell I had become. At the time I had no idea how much of my cognitive function in my brain I had lost. The cognitive function in the brain allows us to do the simplest of tasks to the most complex of tasks. Just getting out of bed was a challenge, my coordination was minimal and I also had minimal ability to balance.
I became adept at using walls and furniture to lean on, and praying all the way to my computer I wouldn't fall over as I wasn't sure how long it'd take me to get back up again. Those were tough days as I couldn't talk either. My memory for language, for the words I love, was all locked away inside my brain.
The day I made it up and down the hallway four times is set in my memory. I celebrated quietly within myself knowing that if I could make it out to my computer and back with rests in between four times, then there was hope I could become well and regain my cognitive function and my life.
Honestly, there is nothing about the last 8 years that has been easy, but it's been totally worth every tear, the pain, the frustrations, agony and loneliness plus losing everything to rebuild my brain, my body and my mind. It's a hard pill to swallow that whilst I was alive in my body, my brain, body and mind had shut down and I had zero control over that happening. Now, understanding the epigentics, neurology, biology and more I can see the Complex Ptsd thread right throughout my life.
Today, I actively work my recovery every single day. I can study and see clients, I can teach my course and I will achieve my life's dreams to live and work in America, well, between Australia and America. That's a story for another day.
And here's what I know. The Silence Has to Cease. The silence in families where we don't talk about what's happening for us emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and sexually has to stop. Being raised in a multigenerational family where silence was the key to being accepted, to belonging, broke my brain.
Being sexually, spiritually and emotionally abused from an age younger than I care to remember created so many events in my life that were recreation after recreation of my childhood trauma. My life included generations of women who had unresolved trauma, and it killed my mother. I'm glad I began looking for answers decades ago or I'd also be a casuality of Complex Ptsd.
We are the generation that has to break generations of silence handed down through the family systems ensuring our children have healthy lives, and the generation after and so on. If we don't take action now we will have a continuing mental health crisis worldwide - for generations.
For now, I'm loving building my business online, I enjoy loving personal relationships with my children and close friends and lots of snuggles from my rescue Manx Panda. Reading the latest information on Complex Trauma be it neurological, biological, psychological or emotional and passing this information on to you is top of my list all the time.