When Trauma Brain begins to Turn
It's midnight in Australia. I need to be asleep. I'm not. The irony of a trauma brain. You work hard to be able to move forward, then your body is coursing with so much energy, and loving it, now sleep becomes impossible.
My brain is exhausted from putting things in a manageable order today. At first, I didn't think today would turn out productive at all. Chloe and I had a longer visit to the doctors than expected. She's had to have blood tests for early onset arthritis.
Not really surprising considering the science of intergenerational trauma. She's got 4 generations of women in the maternal line that had unprocessed trauma when pregnant. Things have to change. It was super emotional for me pondering on how this was completely out of my control.
The heightened emotions compounded with a late night, so by the time we got home I was shattered. I slept. The choice was sleep or wander around in a half triggered fog.
However, after sleep, my brain was crystal clear. I've done dishes, multiple loads of washing, folding, seen a client, prepared work for tomorrow, watched MAFS with Chloe and managed to hit bed on time. I couldn't believe it. Literally. I was shocked I made it on time.
Now I need to dissect how to get my body and brain to cooperate and simply rest. I have to factor into my days now that rest will equate to even greater brain, body and biological/neurological health.
It's been a long fight to get this far. I am glad I have fought for my life.