Yesterday I did a FB Live on Resolving Disputes (over on my main page) and afterwards a group member asked me this question:
"Linda, I am wondering how you would apply your suggestions to disputes such as we recently had in the CPTSD group? We don't know each other, nor have a real, personal relationship beyond the group. How would we attempt to resolve disputes in this kind of situation? thank you!"
This was my reply: In group we need to be willing to stay on the first step due to that specific reason, we don't know each other personally, we don't know if the other person is triggered and has a different perception to us, and we just have to be willing to choose to be the bigger person, to be generous from our hearts, and we can also agree to disagree too. The heart attitude travels the globe, and people remember how we made them feel, not who was right or wrong. Part of our life learning with Complex Trauma is that people won't always see what I'm seeing and I have to be okay with that.
I was also asked should the list be in a different order?
Again, the answer is no. There is no part of human interaction that should be undertaken without first checking that my own heart is in order. AND for Complex Trauma, that my Prefrontal Cortex is online and my emotions are regulated. More damage gets caused when we are not first taking responsibility for our own heart condition.
The more well we become the more we are able to determine when someone is acting irrational, from their prefrontal cortex being offline, and again we must show grace.
I deleted a whole post from group today because there was people jumping all over each other with incorrect perceptions going on. And if people cannot be kind, cannot be the bigger person, this is not the right group for them. We're here to proactively cheer each other through incredibly tough times. I know, I've walked them on my own.
As much as it's my deepest hearts desire that no one walk this journey alone being in group is like driving on the roads. There are road rules to keep everyone safe and there are group rules to keep everyone safe.
It doesn't matter what you think of someone else on the road, ultimately you all have to obey the rules because you all need to stay safe or it costs you, either through accidents or injury.
Group is the same, you obey the rules to keep everyone safe, no matter what your thoughts are of someone else's posts. And I refuse to tolerate intolerance of anyone or anything. We're not politically correct, we're here for but a moment to leave this world a better place, one step at a time.
Blessings and dreams,