Raw & Real: Heartfelt Men
by Linda Meredith
Men, this one is for you.
I'm in a Christian singles group on Fb and one of the men recently asked the group
"When you broke up what did you do to cope? How did it affect you? Have you come through or are you still struggling?"
As I read through the answers one of them jumped out at me as what I would call a "typical Australian male response" - -
Peter - "I had a beer and listened to some music"
Significant because Australia has a drinking culture and significant because it represented the complete lack of ability to be emotionally vulnerable and to seek to hide behind the alcohol as the solution. Now, all that's okay as far as that's whats been happening at a cultural level for a lot of males in Australia. They have an international reputation as drinkers, just ask a taxi driver in Bali.
However, my point is not to unpick a culture but rather to promote that change can and must happen for healthy relationships to ensue.
The original poster responded with the most beautiful, heart and soul felt words that I asked to share them with you because when our hearts get weary from a culture of men who don't do heart and soul deep, it's also nice to balance it out with the men who do do life heart and soul deep AND because guys, I want you to know that we, as women, see those of you who do take time to navigate the beautiful mess of emotional vulnerability and we value you.
Here's the response -
Glad you found your answer in a glass of beer.
As it is I faced my great loss with tears and painful recollection of our life together for a year. Everyday something would bring tears to me.
My legs felt heavy like led.
My spirit crushed. And no matter how much I wanted the grieving to end it didn’t until “what I needed to know became conscious in my mind.”
When I understood what I needed to learn then the healing and acceptance of it all became easier.
Then if there was any resentment it was no longer there.
I’m at peace with her and God and she’s at peace with me and God.
Proper healing removes the possibility that I would be aggressive in my life now or in a future relationship. Too many men carry this aggression.
Working in mental health I know too well how domestic violence affects women because their men do not know how to control their emotions and use anger as a release.
Finally. As a result of my own pain through the losses and processing emotions I can be a good chaplain as I see many people who are suffering.
And 90% of the time people want to talk about their pain. Then they feel better and only then may want prayer.
Even Jesus wept. There’s no shame in tears. It’s good for the soul. It heals. My dad taught us that.
Reach out guys. Reach out to another guy and have the necessary chats about the pain you've got packed down and hidden inside. If you don't get it out it will cause you more heart ache and pain and possibly illness too. The greatest of all the illnesses will be loneliness. Get your brave on and dare to speak to another guy who will understand. I dare you.
Not sure if it'll impact your health? Read "The body keeps the score" by Bessel Van Der Kolk. Science proves it. The decision is yours, supress it, or walk through it and be free.