Notes on The 5 Love Languages
by Linda Meredith
The 5 Love Languages ~ What works for you?
Have you heard of the 5 Love Languages? The book of the same name authored by Gary Chapman was originally published in 1995 and is still available now. The premise behind the book is if we learn what each others primary love language is, out of the 5 detailed, we can learn how to better affirm our love and commitment to each other.
Today we can also jump on line and complete a small quiz to determine our individual primary love language. You can find the official quiz here - https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
What are the 5 Love Languages?
1. Words of affirmation – using words/language to build up the other person. “Thanks for taking the kids to practice.” Not – “It’s about time you took the kids to practice. You’re always running late.”
2. Gifts – a gift says, “They’re thinking about me. Look what they got for me.” Be aware if Gifts aren’t your love language you won’t relate to this concept.
3. Acts of Service – Doing something for your spouse that you know they would like without having been asked or reminded that it needs doing. For example - Cooking dinner, washing clothes, vacuuming, are all acts of service.
4. Quality time – time you give to your spouse containing your undivided attention ie. No phones, no kids, no interruptions at all. Dinner together wherever it’s quiet and just the two of you, Netflix or Movies out, coffee out or in together. The emphasis is for you to focus on your spouse’s need to be together.
5. Physical touch – This can be self explanatory but it’s also important to note this love language includes more than sexual intercourse. Holding hands when you’re out and about, hugging when your sharing chores together, kissing even spontaneously, are all expressions of physical touch and send your partner the message that you value and appreciate them.
Here’s the interesting premise. If we learn what our primary love language is and share it with our spouse, then they can use that information to speak love to us in one of the 5 ways. I’ve always struggled with this premise because if I give my spouse this information am I asking them to be someone they are not naturally?
This then leads me to the question am I in love with you for the person you are or for the person I believe I need you to be? Or better yet, am I able to identify the ways you love me? Do the ways you love me inspire me to keep growing into the best version of me or does the way you love me take away from me?
I do understand this was written to help couples already married and struggling to make that heart felt connection, and I have seen people use the 5 love languages and it does work. I just feel the need to ponder on these questions because I’ve come out of manipulative relationships. The answer, as always, lies in the intentions of each individual’s hearts. What is their heart motivation?
What are your experiences with the 5 love languages?
Blessings and dreams,