“Never argue with a Liar. They believe their own lies, thereby making it impossible to reason with them. ” Linda Meredith
Friedrich Nietzsche says it well “I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” How often have you felt this way? Too often? And if the lie involves an individual you’re in an intimate relationship with what can you do?
There’s going to be many variables that come into what you decide to do. The two primary questions will be how close is your relationship and how long has the relationship been being conducted? This is followed by examining how you feel about the possibility of losing the relationship versus the work it’s going to take to regain trust – a whole other article to this one.
Over the years I’ve witnessed that those who are on the receiving end of a liar’s tall tales have empathetic hearts. An empathetic heart makes it super tough to call out a liar. Your best bet is to take a little time and work it through logically. Negate your emotions. Whilst lies have an emotional effect on us, that’s more about how we feel about the individual than the circumstances surrounding the lie.
Just because we love someone does not mean we continue to believe obvious lies. Especially at the beginning of a relationship. If chunks of time are missing and unexplained and you’re expected to just put up with the lack of explanation, walk away. Your heart will want you to stay, a new relationship is exciting, and often fills a depleted love bank. Put the emotions off to the side and prioritise the value of a relationship built on a foundation of trust.
That will be enough for you to know you need to say “thanks, but no thanks.” It’s not a requirement to call a liar out. You can be kind and let them know the relationship is not working for you. Wish them all the best, and move forward. The most important thing to remind yourself is “when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.”
Walk away. Better to be safe, than to invest a lot of time and come away wounded.
Strategies for dealing with Liars – Dealing Effectively with Liars
image source ~ cold hearts