For me one of the most challenging things I've ever had to wrap my mind around was the endless lies. When we've walked through hell on earth integrity is so crucial to us, so when someone actually lies it's mind boggling!
We wonder "why would you lie?" And the reality is the lie is something they need to tell themselves to continue on their same path of behaviour. The lies are never about us. I used to take it personally, believe I must have done something wrong to be lied to, or not been open or accepting enough. So I'd turn myself inside out to be the easiest person to get along with.
And still they lied.
The truth is we need to have our values in place, our morals at the forefront, our boundaries healthy because then we cut the snakes off at the head. We simply walk away at the first lie, instead of investing ourselves heavily into relationships with people who never choose to change.
And we do not, repeat after me, do not, need to feel bad about walking away. Oh, we will feel 50 types of guilt, order in a side dish of 200 serves of self blame plus shed quiet tears of "how on earth did this happen?" That's a natural progression out of an unhealthy relationship. The winning choice is to not stay there in that place of hurt and untruth.
The truth is you are so precious. The truth is Complex Trauma left all the "SELF" parts of our brain not connected and we need to do the work to reconnect them. Then we're in a mental space to understand and process we are not responsible for the choices other adults make, and continue to make.
We are only responsible for our choices. To make healthy decisions, to choose truth no matter what the outcome, and we are allowed to choose happiness over continual emotional, physical, mental, sexual, financial and spiritual abuse. We choose not to stay so our children can know that we do not tolerate unhealthy, toxic individuals in our lives.
We choose self respect over the rules that others want us to live by. We choose sanity over being manipulated. WE CHOOSE. We're adults, and we have the right to choose how we will and won't be treated by other adults, and yes, even how our children treat us too. But that's a story for another day.
Blessings and dreams,