Depression: What am I holding Onto?


When you read the statement that Depression is wanting what I did not have, what is it as a child that lived in a household with Adverse Childhood Experiences that you could not have?

Why is the question important? Scientists now understand how living in a household with Adverse Childhood Experiences rewires our brain. If you were to think about combining Attachment theory i.e. if you have a disorganised attachment from the trauma, does what you could not have i.e. a mothers love, keep you from a secure attachment?

I’ve had to think about this and feel through the process today and can I say it’s not easy at all. Talk about needing lots of courage to face what my body holds onto. When I think about the years I’ve spent seeking answers I’m so grateful for all the neuroscience available to us now. I’m so grateful that we can understand that with Childhood Developmental Trauma our brain was wired differently than those who have not experienced trauma.

I’m going to do some journalling tonight around what I could not have as a child, emotionally speaking. Childhood trauma is never about the material stuff. For me, it’s always been about understanding how my brain and body need to be taught that I’m safe to change my perceptions to those of an adult. The good news is we do it together, through a commitment to connect consistently. What another human lacked we find in our community around us.

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