Adding a Dose of Courage
Fear permeated every part of me and I just didn't realise it. However, as that fear was so all consuming it drove me to believe there had to be more to life than what I was experiencing. Sitting here typing this blog has fear still trying to crush me into silence because silence equates to safety in my brain.
Are you aware the definition of courage is the ability to do something that frightens you? Where does that leave those of us who've lived in sheer terror all of our lives? How on earth are we going to do something as simple as going to the corner store when every movement of our body triggers our brain into safety mode - brain "stop, don't you move, you're not safe." Me - "I'm so damn sick of being paralysed. Stuff it, I'm moving."
My body breaks out, reacting to my rebellion, giving me a shower of perspiration, not exactly the kind of clean feeling I prefer. My brain is pulsing in terror, anxiety rips through my entire being, and me being me, a rebel with a cause, I keep putting one foot in front of the other, trying to remember to breathe as I step out that door. Confronting life and my brain face forward and full on.
Getting out that front door a number of years ago I needed medication to help me. I was adamant my focus on reclaiming my life was more important than how it actually happened. I held onto walls, I slept when my brain couldn't go any further, I pushed my brain to its limits as it was the only way I could regain my life. Sitting around talking about being anxiety free or moaning about my circumstances was pointless, it achieved nothing.
I realised the only way up, out and through the terror of anxiety was acting despite the fear. From experience, you need to know two things about acting despite the fear. One, drink as much water as you can as your body needs it. Drinking the water as you take steps forward also helps keep you grounded as it gives you an alternative focus. Two, you're going to need extra sleep. You're stretching your brain, creating new neural pathways as you force it to focus on what you desire not what it has been trained by trauma to respond too. It's very tiring work changing the brains known pathways. Yes, work!
Have you thought about your dreams for your life? What are they? Ask yourself questions. Are your dreams bigger than anything you can imagine? Yes? Good! They need to be. Big dreams keep you motivated to keep taking steps despite what your brain wants you to do. Big dreams are part of establishing your core identity and rebuilding a life you want to live, love and thoroughly enjoy.
Reframe your dream into bite-size pieces that you can do one day at a time. Your dream will unfold daily with just one step at a time. Doing the one next thing when you're tired from the day before can and does feel exhausting. When this happens then rest. Affirm to yourself that the rest is helping your brain to heal, and in turn, your brain will become less sensitive to new actions you want to take. Give time time.
Blessings and dreams,